


mare tranquillitatis

by igotostay



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hwang Hyunjin Needs a Hug, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, M/M, Metaphors, Sad Ending, Seo Changbin is Whipped, Soft Seo Changbin, but changbin is in most of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28361241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igotostay/pseuds/igotostay
Summary: mare tranquilitatis  /træŋˌkwɪlɪˈteɪtɪs/the sea of tranquility.there's a certain beauty in the waves at night. a moment of gentle, the calm before a storm.hyunjin dares to let his legs dangle in its beauty. and changbin will always be there to catch him if he falls. until, he isn't. and he doesn't even know it.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Kudos: 11





	mare tranquillitatis

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: references and mentions of anxiety, depression and suicide.  
> Please be careful when proceeding and do not continue scrolling if you're sensitive to these topics.

the darkness of the night always had a certain beauty to it. maybe it was the way it allowed the stars to shine, maybe it was the way silence would overtake the bustling city. there wasn’t a specific reason, really, hyunjin just loved when darkness fell. 

his long blonde hair had become uncomfortable lately, as the heat made strands cling to his neck. especially during busy schedules. yet now, the cool wind that tousled his hair made him feel more comfortable than ever, safer than he had felt lately. 

though safety isn’t something he should be thinking of right now. a little late for that, really. after all, he was sitting along the edge of the gangdong bridge, not exactly the safest place to be in the middle of the night. 

but all he needed right now, was a peace of mind. an escape from the never ending schedules that his manager had tossed him. no matter how exciting it was to be on all these different shoots, it was still exhausting. and all he needed was a breather, to lighten the crushing load on his lungs. 

it was easy to ignore the frequent vibrations of his phone as he took in the gentle waves. it was most probably seungmin anyways, the only one who noticed he was missing when the younger climbs into his own bed. he couldn’t care less, seungmin wouldn’t tell on him, probably just chalking his disappearance up to another late night dance practice in their studio. only checking if he needed to leave the lights on for him.

hyunjin could only let out a sigh as his phone continued to buzz next to him, giving in to the temptation to check his notifications. it was just... work. work. and more work. his schedules for the next week spamming his inbox again. 

god, did he want to toss his phone into the river. and never see a trace of it again. wishing it swept away all his responsibilities along with it. he just... needed a break. stray kids had been promoting since june, coupled with his own side projects. he just needed some time to wind down. it was all too much, so suddenly. and he had never been good at managing stress. not the way the other members could. even chan hyung who was getting close to no sleep was doing way better than him. 

deciding to just turn his phone off was probably the first thing he should’ve done. but better late than never anyways. as the stars glimmered dully in the sky, all hyunjin could wonder is how he had gotten to this point. 

being an idol was all he had ever wanted. and he was here. why wasn’t he grateful for this? his aspirations to be a main dancer? accomplished! he even had his own dance performances and was centre for their comebacks. why was there still this void? the need to be so much more. yet having the destructive desire to drop everything and run away.

he didn’t know how long he had been there, but as the metal railing he leaned on turned warm from his body heat, it sure had been quite a while. he just wasn’t expecting rushed footsteps to appear from behind him. 

“hyunjin!” it was a familiar voice. 

his head turned lazily to face the pavement, a dark figure hurling towards him. by the time changbin reached his side, the older was heaving, sticking up a hand to show he needed a moment. 

hyunjin couldn’t help but let out a giggle. what was his hyung doing here? running like a crazed person at what was probably 3AM in the morning. 

changbin breaths slowed, “jinnie! we were looking for you. seungmin texted us saying you weren’t home yet but chan hyung said you weren’t at the company. i figured you might’ve been somewhere in your favourite park, but what are you doing here?”

hyunjin just returned a small smile and a shrug, “just needed a breather tonight, hyung. you worry too much.”

changbin rolled his eyes affectionately as he seated himself next to hyunjin. he removed his hoodie and draped it over hyunjin, before burrowing into the taller’s frame. it was just their thing. hyunjin who got cold easily, and changbin who seemed to be content with just hyunjin’s body heat. 

hyunjin sighed softly as his hands moved to intertwine with changbin’s, silently playing with his fingers as they both watched the lapping waves. 

“jinnie? what’s wrong?” right, changbin was never one to beat around the bush. 

young hyunjin would have froze at the question, but he had gotten used to all the late night talks with his hyung. the one that always made sure to listen to his members. 

“i’m just tired, hyung. we’ve been so busy lately,” hyunjin whispered back, treading carefully on the waves. 

changbin hummed softly, hands moving along hyunjin’s thighs, “maybe you should talk to chan hyung and the managers about your schedules. your’s does look really packed.”

hyunjin felt a drop of water collect in his lungs. forcing the salty taste down, “i can’t disappoint them. nor stays. they all expect me to perform. i can’t let them down.”

changbin had begun drawing little patterns on his leg, “they’ll understand, jinnie. especially stays. they’ll understand if you cancel one or two schedules, or simply postpone them.”

hyunjin gently shook his head as a couple more drops joined in filling his chest, “it’s... it’s a lot... but i don’t want to disappoint them.”

sensing the stubbornness in his tensed hands, changbin sighed softly, “okay, if you say so then. just... take care okay? rest well. and you can always come to me, yeah? we can have our nightly cuddles again. and in the dorms, not out here where it’s freezing, please.”

hyunjin’s chest shook with a familiar laughter, warmth that bloomed in his empty chest, “are you sure it’s not just cause you can’t swim, hyung? scared of the water?”

changbin just pouted with a silent ‘tsk’ before burrowing closer into hyunjin’s chest. two, three, four, more droplets. 

this felt nice, more than hyunjin could ever ask for. his favourite hyung sharing his warmth with him, atop the once violent waves. each breath changbin intook was steadying, a calm rhythm that matched the producer, a grounding reminder for hyunjin to breath in normally. 

“hyung... you should go back and sleep. you’re starting to doze off,” hyunjin gently moved changbin into a sitting position.

a stifled yawn, “let’s go then.”

“you go first, hyung. i just want to be here a little while more,” hyunjin held his hands tightly. 

changbin whined as he violent shook his head, “you’ve to come home too. we’re busy tomorrow... today... tomorrow. whatever. you need some sleep too.”

hyunjin pulled changbin close for a hug, “go first, hyung. you can’t get rid of me. i’ll haunt you to the ends of the earth.”

another whine before his gentle, “i love you, jinnie. be back soon, okay?”

a prickly syringe pumping a steady flow of droplets. 

“i love you, binnie hyung. forever and always.”

changbin turned and began dragging his feet back to the dorms. without forgetting to send an unthreatening warning glare towards hyunjin. 

a soft smile settled on hyunjin’s face, even as the tiny figure shrunk into the darkness. 

a quiet beep from his watch broke the comforting silence. a notification that his phone was out of bluetooth distance now. a reminder, that it was over. 

it was easy really, he was getting close to jisung’s level of taking things. as changbin begun to doze off, he checked his phone one last time. 

his beloved ‘notes’ app, where each word sent heavier droplets of water rolling down his windpipe. they were there, they were fine. one for chan hyung, one for minho hyung, one for jisung, felix, seungmin and jeongin. and a laughable one for kkami too. 

and the last one, which his fingers trembled over, one for changbin hyung. the one who he had never been able to tell the truth to. the one who had always been there for him. the one who gave him light, even on the darkest nights. his hyung, who he was glad he was able to see for one last time. 

he disabled the password on his phone as he quietly pocketed his phone in changbin’s trousers. he was sure the elder was too tired to notice the extra weight. 

and he was right, as he was informed changbin was safe and home by now. out of reach. 

one last tip of the bucket, and the water level was steadily rising in his lungs. 

it would be okay. it will all be okay. stray kids would be fine. they would do great with time to come. no longer having dead weight to drag them down. no longer needing to deal with the “drama llama”, no longer needing to deal with hyunjin who was too tired to give them the needed reactions.

he resented the splashes in his lungs, the way they had slowly filled again this year. he thought he would be okay, thought he was recovering. all wishful thinking, he realised. 

but they were filling his lungs faster than ever, each task he was assigned, drip. each new dance move to learn, drip. each hateful comment he came across, drip. each resentful sigh from his hyungs, drip. each move he performed wrong, drip. 

they filled his lungs so quickly he didn’t even notice. until it was too late, and he was already suffocating from the inside. the pressure building between his shoulders. the deadweight on his back. were all too much for him to carry.

but it would all be over now. it was as easy as his first dances.

five.

six.

seven.

eight.

and he was drifting in the gentle breeze for a moment. 

before the cold waters swallowed him whole. 

“hyunjin!” changbin. was that just a figment of his imagination? there was no way the elder would be back.

a wistful smile still spread across his face nonetheless, a silent, “i’m sorry, hyung.” he wished could travel through air.

tangible water began to fill his lungs, as he took a painful breath. it will be over soon... i’ll be okay. and soon came, as a comforting darkness settled. 

it was finally tranquil.


End file.
